Chupacabra Canoe Est. 2012

Good evening Chups, typing to you tonight just west of the headwaters of the Little Sugar Creek, a tributary of the Little Miami River.

Tonight’s topic – River Training 101 part 1: Avoiding Calluses on the Canoe Trip

There I was, driving along the Great Miami sitting in traffic when I had a flash of inspiration. I had just drank a large Arizona Iced Tea (Still only 99 cents) and after sitting in the car, in traffic, for over a half hour I had to go.

Now typically in a scenario like this, you want a large plastic bottle handy. A Gatorade bottle or half gallon milk carton are ideal. And since I didn’t have a Gatorade bottle and noone over the age of 5 drinks milk (except for Milkman allegedly), I was out of luck. An aluminum can, however can work but its a little dicey.

When peeing into a metal can, you have to use precision and be wary of any sudden movements or road hazards. An unexpected pothole could turn that Arizona Tea into a Lipton Bris (ayo!)

Anyway, there I was struggling to keep my distance while maintaining pinpoint accuracy when the inevitable happened and look out Shamu I was in the splash zone.

I then remembered the great Moises Alou, who as we all know, famously peed on his hands everyday as a way to toughen his hands and eliminate calluses. To the point where he didn’t need batting gloves, and also noone would shake his hand after a game.

Well rather than admit that I p*ssed all over myself while driving I am from this day forward peeing on my hands each day on purpose! In preparation of the canoe trip to ensure I have the toughest hands this side of the Green Brier.

I encourage all my Chupacabra Brethren to join in solidarity.

Up the River and Down the Hatch,

-MM

Author: munitionsmaster