Canoe trips are a great way to connect and bond with generations. At Chupacbra Canoe, the founding fathers have established a tradition which brings together three generations on a week – long trek on the river.
Through the years, I have observed (and confirmed with Cap’n Canoe) a phenomenon with some of the younger generation that have yet to come into their own as paddlers – or as we consider them – Dead Weight.
The phenomenon is the hunger for a certain snack food. Now for the older generations, we subscribe to the All-Meat Diet supplemented with sunflower seeds. But for the Dead Weight, it appears the diet is CHIPs. Not the 80s era police action drama, or English French fries, but potato chips.
The second trip on the river Clarion; a younger SSS feasted on a cornucopia of potato and tortilla varieties. At this point SSS was around 10 or 11, about the age one graduates from Dead Weight to Paddler. But, for whatever reason he ended up dead weight on our canoe. Witnesses still recall the massive amount of grease marks all over his hands and face. When he wiped his face on a towel a fellow Chupacabra handed him, some say it left the image of a Chupacabra on it. This claim has not been vigilantly verified, but I think it deserves recognition.
On more recent trips, HamBone, Pork Chop, and PirateBoy have been witnessed gorging themselves on a cavalcade of chip varieties. It is almost inconceivable how many chips a single human can consume in a one hour period. Like their predecessors, the grease marks abound. As we have devolved into a more consumer based, single serve economy, the only thing that has really changed is the amount of bags. I’ve often spent mornings draining out the previous nights rain from out of the canoe, when I come across a plethora of single serve chip bags. Sometimes in the double digits. I’ve found myself asking how does he eat all this food?
What is it about “river time” that brings out the hunger for a bag of salty chips? Is it the boredom of not paddling? Is it the great outdoors? Is it being surrounded by water on all sides, provoking a thirst for something salty? Is it the easiest thing to pilfer from another’s canoe? There is something about being on the river that brings out different behavior in all of us. The cause is unknown hence the observation is still a phenomenon.
So I urge you, if you have these young paddlers – Dead Weight if you will, pack the chips: Pringles, Lays, Doritos, Fritos, Cheetos. And pack a bag for each of the other canoes in your group, otherwise Dead Weight, like the namesake Pirate-Boy, will raid your canoe of all your snacks. Although considered Dead
Weight, they are inspired in the hunt for chips.
Co-Contributors
J-Stroke and Captain Canoe
Chupacabra Canoe 
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