Chupacabra Canoe

There is something special about a nice warm meal cooked over an open fire in the wilderness after a good day of paddling.  Even a bad day on the water is better than a good day in the office or home, depending on your life circumstances.  I’m assuming here, I’ve never had a bad day on the river.  Whether we keep it simple or attempt a more elaborate meal, with an appetizer, sides and a protein followed by dessert does not matter, there’s a certain feeling you get after a successful day on the river that is both physically and mentally satisfying.  When you’ve finished consuming the evening’s dinner lite a nice cigar or pipe and pour yourself a smooth whiskey, you realize life is good.  Then you sit back in the camping chair and subtlety throw insults towards Uncle Jorts until he flips his lid and goes full caveman on everyone.

Muni Master has given some good advice by keeping it simple for meal planning while on the river.  Even with a 16’ 6” Paluski Passage there is only so much room in a canoe and there is never as much room for beer as you think, don’t forget about the ice.  Those with Deadweight always have to pack extra chips.  Dried or canned food warmed up over the fire or a simple baked potato and slab of meat can be a perfect cap to a great day paddling.  I think the steaks I’ve had cooked over the fire have been at least as good as any steak from one of the nicer steak joints.  Over the years, the Chupacabra Canoeists have experimented with a range of meals from the Spartan offering to the more elaborate feast fit for the Pope.  Sit back and enjoy the read as I take you through some of the more memorable gourmet river dinners the Chupacabra have partaken in over the years.  As I’ve started to chronicle these delectable dinners, I realized there is no way I could fit all these into one blog.  So, keep checking back. 

In an attempt to keep it simple the Grumman Master crew replenished the day’s spent calories with MRE’s procured at a local Army Surplus store.  It was intriguing to watch Grumman’s army of hungry boys tear open package after package to finally get to the food of substance inside each of these MRE’s.  After about a half hour they were finally able to indulge themselves.  I can’t really say it even looked appetizing, it was hard to see through all the packaging. The amount of trash from one MRE was truly breathtaking as it mounded ever higher around the fire pit.  It reminded me of driving around with my own human resources, turning around and finding the car filled with litter.  I’m guessing that since we haven’t seen another trip featuring the MRE’s, it wasn’t a fan favorite.  There are times when I’ve been too tired or bothered to prepare a meal and just opened a can of Chef-Boy-Ardee mini- ravioli’s. A true legend in ready to eat food and a staple of my childhood. They aren’t ready till they are lava hot, and holding the almost molten can is something you must remember and prepare for. 

The Chupacabra faithful have executed some more elaborate meals.  I believe Escargot may have been the first to attempt a gourmet delicacy on the river, a fancy fish dinner on one of our early trips, the second Allegheny if I recall correctly.  He was a true pioneer, he threw caution to the wind.  To make sure his meal was perfect he even brought a 45 pound cast iron skillet on the trip.  However, trouble was brewing,  an ill-advised stop midway through one of our paddle days had him and Muni-Master flipped, gear swiftly floating down the river.  Always known as a man with the ability to prioritize and a man of patience, Escargot immediately began weaving a tapestry of cuss words that some swear can still be heard in the still of the night over the river Allegheny.  As the current was rather strong that day, in the distance he noticed his pound of butter floating away to the next town.  Without a second of delay he shifted his explicative filled rants to the butter getting away.  Having dealt with a hangry Escargot in the past, immediately, I knew my mission.  Nothing was going to get between me and the beautiful rectangular pound of animal fat perfection.  Paddling with precision, I maneuvered the Paluski Passage to just the right spot where I was able to execute the rescue. I didn’t realize it in the heat of the moment, but I became a real hero that day, someone my brother, Escargot, would forever hold close to his heart.  I don’t really remember much about his actual meal that night, but I recall he was pretty calm, an eye of excitement as he prepared his meal, plenty of butter, and with a gleam of masterfulness as he enjoyed his fish and rice meal. 

Keep tuning in for the next installment of the River Gourmet and remember Code Captain for 10% off in the store!